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Step By Step Ways of Anger Management

Anger is a normal human emotion possessed by every human being and of course by animals as well. It is a strong feeling of hostility, antagonism,displeasure, disapproval towards a particular person or an attribute exhibited towards the person in question. Anger is often associated with the tendency to harm or retaliate. We equally have types of anger recognized by psychologists.

Anger Management

1.Passive anger:
This type of anger is characterized by the ability of the individual who has been angered to passively react without being destructive. Passive anger comes in many ways and its very dependent on the personality of the person in question. The mode of expression of this type of anger is quite different from the usual ways we know of,passive anger expression ranges from withdrawal of attention from the objects of anger,paying more attention to inanimate materials around you like excessive watching of programs on television,absolute attention on mobile phones, a heightened level of quietness, e.t.c.

2.Aggressive anger:
This is the type of anger characterized by outbursts of unhealthy emotions.Aggressive anger tends to be destructive and often atimes people who take actions when they are angry tends to regret their actions and decisions later on.A lot of people turn to red eyed beasts whenever they are angry becoming excessively aggressive and seems like they lost every inch of sane reasoning left in them,they are destructive and causes a lot of damages to themselves and equally inflict pains on others too.

“I have a case study of a woman around me who had issues with her husband,in the middle of settling this matter,do you know this woman went berserk and broke every valuable items within her reach,mind you this items are worth thousands of dollars, she even went as far as going downstairs to break the glasses of her husband’s car”.Oh no!  I know you shouted but now that’s what we call aggressive anger.Aggressive anger always gives rooms for regrettable decisions and actions,unguided confrontations, misguided utterances which you will later regret.

  • Do you get angry because someone overshadowed you in traffic?
  • Do you get angry because your partner did something you have considered to be wrong?
  • Do you get angry because he/she is a cheat?
  • Do you get angry because you felt you were offended?

Of course you have every right to express this anger but in as much as you are expressing them still have it engraved in you heart that you will eternally be responsible for any wrong actions you take while angry,when you must have calmed down the next thing  regrets sets in,but then its already too late because the deed has been done and no going back.
Physiologically anger has been show to have a very tremendous influence on the  blood pressure of humans,which means that the more often you get angry the more likely you are to have an obviously increased blood pressure which might later end up resulting in hypertension.There is also the release of hormones such as the adrenaline and noradrenaline (fight or flight hormones).

 So many other physiological activities also take place for instance some people suddenly starts sweating profusely whenever they are angry,some experiences headache while others seems to have lost their memories and acts radically. Some individual even hallucinate or imagine where they are killing or harming the person that provoked them and atimes don’t be surprised that a lot of people have made this imaginations into realities.  Psychologically anger affects the normal reasoning and dispositions of that individual.
Anger is often expressed and characterized by facial expressions, shouting, fighting, undesirable body movements e.t.c.
Having said earlier that the anger emotion is inborn but still there is a need to curb,control and manage this emotion.This is because unguided expressions of anger have lead to regrettable actions,it has been the basis for the dissolution of some relationships and marriages,many families have been torn apart,many hopes chartered,many dreams unrealised,friendship broken,trust abandoned just because of this simple but ruthless word “anger”hence the need to properly and carefully manage it.
Therefore there is every need for us to handle this emotion to the best of our ability and knowledge.Managing yourself well whenever you are angry will give the opportunity to get hold of the situation before you take actions, it will equally aid in abating unnecessary wrong actions and decisions,anger management will give you an upper in interpersonal relationships,not that you will not necessarily get angry upon provocations but your ability to subdue this anger and act only when you are calm will raise your rank in your relationships with your fellow human beings.

Management of Anger.
The management of anger is not a simple task and has been very difficult for a lot of individuals.To manage anger means to overlook or act as if the provocations have no impact on your person. There are so many ways to manage your anger,but you just have to read through and pick the ones that will effectively work for you and then putting up the necessary efforts to effectively practice them all in a bid to curbing your emotional outbursts whenever you are angry.These are the step by step ways.
  1. Thoughts before speech
  2. Take a deep breath
  3. Express yourself when you are calm
  4. Distance yourself from the object of anger
  5. Think of possible solutions
  6. Practice on how to relax
  7. Exercise

    1.Thoughts Before Speech:

    Upon provocations  do not let your speech or actions  come before your thought processes. The point is you must not talk or react immediately, allow the good voice in your heart to advice you. You must allow yourself to think before you react.You will find out that by the time you might have finished with your thoughts the anger must have subsided a great deal.Do not act before you think,do not talk before you think,before you talk be very sure that you must have thought about the consequences of your actions,the impact of your words on the person ,this is because a lot of people voice out dangerous and harmful words whenever they are angry and mind you this words are engraved in the heart of the person to whom they were directed at.Be careful with your utterances that is to say whenever you are angry learning to keep quiet have proven to be the best approach towards some situations.
    Think before you speak or act!

    2.Take deep breath:
From the above you might be asking yourself how do I keep quiet in a situation when I already have this anger boiling within me,when I have this nostalgic feeling that if I don’t talk my heart will explode,when I know if I don’t take actions I will be seen as a weakling and my intelligence will be played.
Oh!dear all these don’t really matter ,what really matters is that you have learnt to have control over your emotions and their outbursts. So what do you do? Its very simple.
Close your eyes and summon the whole essence of your being in a meditative mood.
Take a long deep breath. In science we call it inspiration of air.So I believe that inspiring this air will inspire you the more. Take this deep breath for some seconds then slowly and quietly breath out this air. Repeat this as much as possible and watch the magic.This long inspiration (deep breath )will relax your muscles and bring a reasonable amount of calmness to your nerves and arteries such that your blood pressure decreases, the continuous pounding of the heart decreases slowly and this time it doesn’t feel like your heart will explode again.
Repeat this as much as possible until you are finally calm.You really have to Call up this strategy whenever you are angry. Practice this and watch how your anger management improves.

3.Express Yourself When You Are Calm

When you must have taken a deep long breath and your muscles have relaxed and you feel calm to the nerves.Now its time to talk and express your feelings.
Do this as calmly and genuinely as possible   Do not raise your voice just calmly and maturely approach the situation from the standpoint of sound reasoning because I believe that by now your reasoning has been restored to normal.

4.Distance Yourself From The Object Of Anger.

Another effective means of managing anger is distancing yourself from the object that is bringing provocations.

“Almost everyday I have seen where people are fighting and other people trying to separate them.
When they are finally separated the best thing to do at the moment will be to take them away from each others sight and then try to calm the situation”.

What is making you angry?

Is it your children’s scattered room?then just close the door and calm down.
Give yourself a distance from the object of anger and then calm down before you approach the situation.

5.Think Of Possible solutions.

Do not ever engage in any confrontations of any type whenever you are angry without any laid down solutions to the problem. You know what?
Shouting can never solve a problem
Verbal confrontations can never solve the problem.
Fighting cannot solve the problem either.
Being destructive cannot solve it.

So what on earth do you stand to gain from doing the above? Nothing!
No matter how you try to convince yourself that you will feel better after misguided utterances, confrontations, fightings e.t.c you know what you gain? You don’t feel any better instead you will end up blaming yourself;
  1. Oh I should have listened
  2. Oh I should have calmed down
  3. Oh I should have allowed him or her to talk.
Oh I should have done this!,I should have done that?.That’s blame of oneself so let me ask you how better do you feel ?? You don’t feel any better. Confrontations do not make you feel any better so be aware and just calm down.You stand to gain a lot.

7.Practice on how to relax:

Always remember that whenever you find yourself in a provocative situation the best thing to do is to practice relaxation first.
Remember close your eyes,take a deep long breath,relax then act or speak.

8.Exercise:
Many atimes engaging yourself in exercise could be of great help to relieving one of a lot of stress and hence reduces the intensified reactions associated with anger.
      Not Helping?
When you must have tried the above  listed anger management steps and you find out that you still are not able to get a hold of yourself and your emotions whenever you are angry which  I doubt but just in case,then be assured that its time to seek a more professional medical psychological counselling .You could get an appointment with a psychologist for counseling. I  am a witness and I can testifying that the above anger management steps really worked for me and lifted me up up from the dungeon of perpetual regrettable actions and today I enjoy every bit of how I have been able to manage my anger so far,my interpersonal relationships have increased an has been more enduring, my personality really changed a lot.So I sincerely urge my readers who have always found themselves in a mess always because of anger to genuinely adhere to this steps .

Theresa Mbanefo

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